Entry I: Artist in the Ambulance

When the idea to write a blog popped into my head, I was surprised. Extremely surprised. I'm not the kind of person to write down musings and post said musings on the internet where any person can read them. The idea developed (as such ideas often do) in the back of my mind, whispering to my cerebral cortex. I tried to push it away forcefully, as again, I'm not that kind of person. I thought about it all day, and it seems like it will be a good idea for me to at least let someone know what's going on inside what used to be the locked cage of my mind.

Now, someone will ask the question of me: "if you're such a private person, why give your sorry and boring thoughts out to the rest of the world?" Good question! I'm glad you asked. The answer, in short, is that I no longer want to be a person who struggles on the inside; I'm sick of not trusting people. I know that there will be pain and hurt from what I say here, but that there will also be freedom in the truths that I want to say.

In the blog, I plan on discussing my personal life, in the hopes that I can reach out to other hurting people. I also wish to discuss culture with a critical eye - analyzing it for the sake of those that wish it to be analyzed. In time, I might also discuss things such as what I'm reading, writing, and thinking.

Before I end this message, I'd like to talk about two last things: my blogging name and the name of the blog. Both are derived from Thrice songs, and I'd like to talk a few seconds on why I chose them.

First, Artist in the Ambulance means a great deal to me. It's a song about an artist who has gotten in a car crash due to drinking and other bad decisions. The artist wakes up in an ambulance and knows that this could be "so much more than flashing lights and sound." In other words, this accident could be a symbol of a turning point in the artist's life. Having recently gone through an event similar to this, I feel a deep connection to the artist. This blog is meant to be a step that makes my situation become more than just flashing lights and sound.

Second, I chose the name "raise your ragged sail" because it is another symbol of where I think I'm at now. It's taken from a song called Kings Upon the Main. Thrice wrote it from the perspective of the waters of the Earth as a message to humanity. It simply says that nothing, no man or fleet, is secure upon the seas, even though many have tried. Most of the song continues almost as a warning to humanity against pride. However, the last two lines give hope to me: "But grace can still be found within the gale; with fear and reverence, raise your ragged sail." Because the waters in this song are such an unconquerable force, it reminds me of God, and the way we should interact with him. Not with pride and conceit, thinking that we can control God - but in fear and in reverence.

I may not have much anymore. I may be disgraced. I may be broken. But that's not going to change the fact that I must do what is right. Therefore, in fear and reverence, I raise my ragged sail and set out into the seas of life.