Entry III: What Are We All Living For, IF Nothing's Worth Dying For?

I've talked a bit about my life thus far; most of the time I mention it with less than favorable words. I felt worthless, empty. After several years of living like this (though there were ups and downs throughout), I came to the realization that the only reason I remained alive was so that I wouldn't disappoint my friends and my family. As I said, I planned living the rest of my life in emptiness. Again and again, I would see people with purpose, and envy them for it.

Again, a Thrice song comes to mind (I'm sorry, I listen to them constantly). It's called Lullaby. The opening verse says this:

What are we all living for?
If nothing’s worth dying for tonight
Your dreams are not enough
What I need is love
That’s worth laying down my life

So often, I knew the point of these lyrics contained the thing I sought: love that was worth dying for.

I've been doing a lot of reading in scripture lately. Earlier this week, I came upon Ephesians 2. It starts out like this:

"1And you were dead in your trespasses and sins, 2in which you formerly walked according to the course of this world, according to the prince of the power of the air, of the spirit that is now working in the sons of disobedience.

3Among them we too all formerly lived in the lusts of our flesh, indulging the desires of the flesh and of the mind, and were by nature children of wrath, even as the rest."

This passage reminds me vividly of my former self - but that's not the end of their, nor my story.

"4But God, being rich in mercy, because of His great love with which He loved us,

5even when we were dead in our transgressions, made us alive together with Christ (by grace you have been saved),

6and raised us up with Him, and seated us with Him in the heavenly places in Christ Jesus,

7so that in the ages to come He might show the surpassing riches of His grace in kindness toward us in Christ Jesus."

While that's amazing, the real surprise still comes about in the chapter. The author continues with:

"8For by grace you have been saved through faith; and that not of yourselves, it is the gift of God;

9not as a result of works, so that no one may boast.

10For we are His workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand so that we would walk in them."

By grace! Grace! What a concept! A love so deep that I couldn't (and still can't) comprehend! I can do nothing to increase my grace, just accept God's gift. By accepting, I can then accomplish good works, though not for the purpose of favor, for the purpose of glorifying God.

I realize that this sounds a bit preachy and all (which I normally hate) but I think there's a time and place for it. Namely right now. I guess that what I'm trying to say through this all is that God can use you, no matter what you're going through, no matter what your past is. I'm going through the ringer right now, personally. But God is here, through it all. His gift has given me a purpose, to glorify Him. And he's given me a love that's worth dying for any day.